By the time you read this I will be on U.S. soil, digging my feet in Oregon land, my heart full and bursting with family and family and more family. My seven month old nephew is getting baptized this weekend and I’m surprising them; I cannot wait to hold and snuggle him, to play and laugh with my two year old niece, to hug and dance and be with my sisters, my brother-in-law, my parents, my tribe. 

If you’re surprised to see me state-side, so am I. The question of, “What next? What next? What next?”, politely stood by my door for days. No answer, no clarity, no direction. I awoke one morning, a mere two and a half weeks ago, and there it was, somehow strikingly obvious and simple – “U.S.A.” I went for a run to try and let it settle, try and sort it out, where did this come from? After so strongly believing I would not see, be in or return to the States for awhile, the answer came with a shock. Really? America? Somehow it felt strangely and unexpectedly Yes. So here I am, writing to you from the sky, Portland – bound, 20 hours deep into a 30+ hour journey; James Mercer on repeat, living in this familiar limbo of transition, gliding over the Middle East, Europe, the Atlantic Ocean, turning the page. By the time you read this my Hawaii – Japan – Nepal chapter will be officially closed and oh what a beautiful, beautiful, beautiful chapter it has been. 

I realize I haven’t written in awhile. A few of you have reached out, wondering where are my words? Will I post something soon? Rough drafts have been forged with no final products produced. Nepal held less writing than usual, more time spent living off the page, talking, listening, taking things in in silence, in shared company. I was gifted a partner these last few months and we made our way through villages and cities, dusty roads and dirt paths. Nepal was raw and rugged, beautiful and strong, challenging in many ways, and we both agreed it would have been far more difficult had we each forged it alone. Gratitude for shared life y’all, so much gratitude. 

It’s funny what comes up in the reflection of others. After making the decision to indefinitely return to familiar land the days that followed whispered with worries of judgments, let downs, fears. I realize these are nothing but my own insecurities speaking. Even if they weren’t though, “what other people think about you is none of your business” anyways. 

To agility and grace. To surrender and growing and giving space to what needs to be, even when you don’t understand. To endless possibilities. To not needing to explain, justify or defend Your Life to anyone but Yourself. To family, and baptisms, and rebirth. Friends, partners, Home. 

Home within. 

Home. 

ONWARD, darlings. 

Onward. 

So much Love. Xx
   

Sleeping on the airport floor during a nine hour lay over in New Dehli, India 

   
Writing to you from the plane 

 
Landing on U.S. soil

  
Snap shot of my sister’s reaction after surprising her ☺️☺️☺️