Reiki yoga blue eyes, things are spinning tilted now

Mornings spent riding in the snow, just us and open white hills 

Today was the first time I felt like I was riding, riding, riding

So fun to be riding with a partner. 

Strangely new yet slightly familiar territory, a moment there of losing balance, of forgetting the Center in my Self, of beginning to grip and grasp a bit to the moving tethers. If you’re gonna hold on, you gotta ride it, not try to ground your feet and stop it. Reflected on that, too, while riding solo at Sugi, gondola lift’s with just me, my music and my thoughts. Remembering Who I Want To Be. Returning to working on that. Tending to my own garden. 

Sitting in my room as I write this in my onsen robe, the one I found next door during my abandoned house collection. Kris jokingly calls me a tramp for having so many things that I found rather than bought. We watched Muay Thai fighting last night. I made the point to really watch it rather than wince away. It’s just hard for me to see another hurting another, bashing into them, angry, violent. Maybe it’s my connection to the body that’s different, my heart too, of course. I don’t understand the desire…It reminds me of when Veronica told me years ago I don’t have a single mean bone in my body and we laughed; It was a moment of realizing it’s pretty much true…I don’t ever really want to actually be a bitch or hurt someone intentionally or feel driven to say fucked up things to someone to get even or go deep. I’m just not a fighter, at least not in that way. Interesting to open up the topic of God with him in the van today while driving to Ikenotaira. Trying to fathom what it would be like to not Believe. I found myself stumbling on what names to call the Universe. Fumbled on what to say in trying to explain where I stand and why. 

Sometimes there’s this looming feeling like there’s information out there I haven’t yet learned and that I “should” be spending more time researching / reading / discovering…. Lately I’ve mostly just come back to being Present and not worrying too much. 

Oh sweet, sweet gorgeous snow all around me. The snowflakes here are huge. Moving my feet and hips on the board with more and more ease. Shedding fear of pace, picking up speed, getting stuck in the knee deep powder, holding onto the tree branches to try and not get sucked back in. Hard work to jump your board out of a plateaued, knee-deep, thick layer of snow. Heartbeat Up. Learning Japanese winters. Having fun, having fun, having fun with it; not wanting to get off the mountain today, looking forward to getting out tomorrow.