Someone just asked me what I write about every day. “What’s the title?”, he asked. I replied, “I don’t know yet, I don’t know until I’m done with the piece!” He said it was so much harder that way, all options open. Yup, I said, yup. 
All options open. 
Yeah, that use to really stress me out. It’s nice to think about it now and realize it doesn’t overwhelm me. I used to flail between feeling suffocated by structure and too ambiguous with space. What a gift to say “used to”. I found myself being attached to a moment today. It was good to see it, be aware of it, actively Choose. I found my consciousness shifting, stepping out of my presence and realizing the moment would be a memory, realizing how special it was in a different way, a sacred piece of the whole puzzle. It’s a blessing to know that no matter what I think I may ever lose, I will always be okay. That it will always be complimented with an opportunity for Adelante – Forward – something else necessary and ready to be received. Focus, re-center, return to Knowing. 
I had another moment today when I realized I’m different. Not in comparison to you, but in comparison to my past selves. I’m entirely different, a new person, and, of course, entirely the same. It’d amazing though. To meet new people and just Be who you are. No past needed. Just presence. Pure presence. The moment of attachment today came when I became sticky with the future, the past. 
The entire staff went out an all you can eat and drink dinner tonight. We are the rowdiest fucking crowd I’ve ever been a part of and it’s amazing. I’m drinking a beer as I write this in the office, half the crew hanging out still – “Angelica (Scottish accent), what are you doing?” – – – “writing my blog” – – – “oh for christ’s sake” – – – “Angelica, you should just write aaaaaaaaaaaaa, 500 times”. Earlier someone asked me how the blog was going. I said it’s actually been harder than I expected….she said that’s why it’s called a challenge. 
I’m not sure there are words to describe how grateful I am for the life I’m living. Im becoming so comfortable with myself I forget the people are all getting to know me for the first time. There’s no masks, no bullshit, it all just is. 
One of the Scott’s just read some of this over my shoulder and said, “Rowdiest group you’ve ever been a part of? Are you from a group of nun’s?” 
Reggae plays in the background. People filter out. I eat ice cream bites and laugh in my tie-die dress. Everyone thought I was crazy tonight for wearing a dress to dinner. We were gonna be in a car, in a restaurant, where was the opportunity to be cold other than walking to and fro the car? Sometimes you just have to do what you want and feel and need, no matter what anyone else thinks.