“Let the adjustment period sink in and work out.”
– the last line in one of my first journal entries abroad

Greetings from thousands of miles away! Saw-waa-dee means “Hello” in Thai :) You haven’t heard from me mostly because I haven’t been able to find many words. Getting off the plane and smelling a new country brought a small slap-in-the-face-first-real-taste of reality that I am no longer on US territory and won’t be for quite some time. The ambiguity and potential of any return date to the US is both exciting and overwhelming.

Bangkok was like a third world NYC. Motor bikes, pollution, poverty everywhere. Intense smells, noise and energy. Huge buildings next to dilapidated 10 x 10 ft homes. Mixed in were Starbucks, hundreds of small street vendors, really nice and clean cars, billboards, yoga, prostitutes, and thick weaves of cable lines. It was a whirlwind of a place to land and base. We spent three days and two nights at Bodega Bangkok, in a 10-person-mixed dorm, cancelled our last night and decided to take a 12 hour overnight bus down to Krabi beach. Being in a bus station was one of the most comforting feelings I’ve felt since I left. Jackie and I took hundred of buses in South America – back in 2012 when we took our first one-way ticket endeavor- returning to this place of home brought a calmness neither of us had felt since landing. There is something absolutely magical and releasing about sitting on a bus for hours, watching this beautiful, powerful and foreign land pass by. I remember so many nights on buses spent half awake, half asleep, glancing up to say hi to the moon. I could see the moon on this night, too.

It’s been humbling to see how quickly being in a foreign place – physically, mentally, emotionally – can make you question everything. I’ve only been gone 7 days yet the world I’ve left behind seems far. I’ve ran the spectrum of almost every self-reflecting question you can think of. I’ve found myself desiring familiarity, wanting comfort, but not understanding in what way. Home, or the people at home, or my routines or things at home don’t feel like they could fill this space – it’s not the answer. It’s territory I’ve never been in, and there’s no go-to fix or solution. I’m living into it. I’m becoming it.

The language barrier here has been trying. Being surrounded by all of these human beings and not being able to verbally connect with them can be frustrating and isolating. Yes, a smile is universal and intuitive energy is key, but I find myself wanting more, wondering, “Who are you?”, “Where are you going?”, “Where did you come from?”, “What are your relationships like?”, “What is your self-expression like?”, “What were the cultural expectations of your life, and have you seen outside of that?” I ponder these things in the States, too, but here it is an entirely different level of lack of understanding their cultural, social and personal norms. They are all humans who are just like me, and yet so vastly different in how they were born into this world and how they live this human life. We spent an hour and a half in a taxi cab heading to the bus terminal and I couldn’t even ask the man how he was doing, much less understand any response he might have given. I’ve learned how to say things like “hello” and “thank you” but regardless of how many small key phrases I learn the depth of human connection I am desiring with the locals seems near impossible. I know nothing is impossible, but I’m pretty sure becoming fluent in Thai isn’t top of the list of life’s to-do’s.

We just finished two nights in Ao Nang, our first coastal city here. It was beautiful and refreshing with plumeria trees and small little beach shops scattered about.The water and beach have been healing – the perfect change of pace we’ve needed. Spending Valentine’s Day there was hilarious. There were pink, red and white balloons decorated everywhere and signs about love and special deals for lovebirds. It was cute :) We arrived to Koh Lanta today, the first of several small islands we will explore off the southern coast of Thailand and Cambodia. We already love it. We’re staying in an amazing tree house hostel with incredible creative energy and magical people. I think we’ll likely stay here for awhile… :)

I think it’s easy to assume I’m having the time of my life when we so easily associate “travel” with “vacation”, especially when you’re reading this from the comfort of your bed, your desk, your couch, your train ride home. If you come straight to the picture of the beautiful sunset and ocean water, yes, you’re right, it’s incredible. But there’s no Point A to Point B here, and the blazing of the path between two places is rarely seamless; it’s taken a lot of trust, patience and will. I am grateful for the girls by my side and for the presence of God/Divine/The Universe in my heart. I feel lost in the way of being exactly where I’m suppose to be, even in times where what I’m doing isn’t entirely clear. When those waves come I work to re-presence myself to the Now, to center into who I’m being and how I’m being. I trust the rest will fall into place.

Cheers y’all, to roughing it out, to not scratching itchy bug bites, and to eating absolutely delicious Thai food. May we all continue to find our edges and dissolve them.

Hugs! Always.