Woke up before the sun super energized and to an e-mail notifying me that a person I don’t know is following my blog. They specifically liked this old blog post, Moment to Moment, from last August. After writing my recent Vipassana recap piece I shared my blog with a few students and one wrote me last night with a beautiful reflection to me about my blog and my journey in general. So sweet. After getting his e-mail I ended up spending some time reading over old pieces and ironically stopped exactly at the specific one my new follower liked. Reading it over this morning was sweet and powerful and soft and Yes.

One of my favorite things about writing is how I get to meet myself again and again in other spaces of time and reality. How I get to re-experience my own self from new places. During Theta this weekend a huge download was Falling In Love With Myself. Becoming my own favorite person. A dream I’ve had and a lifelong practice I’m sure. I know it’s possible and can feel it whispering and playing and flirting with me. Come here, I’m saying, Curl In.

During Vipassana while in a moment of silently crying and being in the fire, my own Self came to me, so tender, so soft and loving, cupping my face, kissing my own tears. It was beautiful. Powerful. Healing. This weekend in Advanced Theta we did a forgiveness exercise and we were asked to choose one person specifically we wanted to work on forgiveness with or all of humanity as a whole. I chose one person – myself – and had a beautiful experience walking through my past, coming to some of my rawest, darkest moments of self-abuse and leaning down, and saying so softly and lovingly to my hurting, younger self, “Come, Mija. Come”, gently offering a hand, “Let’s move forward. Come, Mija. It’s okay. Let’s move forward.” As I write this my heart beats faster and my eyes nearly tear because I can feel this and I can hold this and in these moments the younger version of me, in this angst and in this pain and heartache puts down the knife, the palm, the fist, the safety pin, and lets me hold and love her and lead her away. Onward, forward, Up. It was beautiful to be my own mother, my own nurturer, to turn my care of love and compassion for others towards my very own self, towards my very own depths, whispering so lovingly, Come Mija, my love, my child, my heart, Come, let’s move on, let’s move forward. Vamanos. Adelante. It’s time. It’s time. It’s time. I didn’t put up a fight even once. The younger version of myself so deeply ready to let it all rest, too. It’s over, it’s over, it’s over. I am so grateful.

Deep breath. Moment to moment, y’all. Moment to moment. Nothing more powerful than the present moment. So many jewels and lessons and experiences to be had Right Here. Right Now. I went out to dinner with two of my dearest friends on Saturday and afterwards at the end of the night while decompressing alone in bed I realized I stayed present the entire time. I don’t think I left the space once in my head. Didn’t wander over any to-do lists or ruminate over old conversations or What If’s or etc. etc. etc. Pure presence! What an incredible experience and concept. The sweetness of pure attention. Pure focus. I’m building into more and more and more of that. It feels like the most powerful way to live. I’m in. I’m in. I’m in.

Ah. The gift of words. The gift of sharing, and flow and having this openness become the norm. That was an unexpected aspect of Theta this weekend. Cohesion. Normalcy. The smoother flow between Being inside that room and Being outside that room. Becoming more and more and more attuned to my life, my moments, my present. All of sudden there I just was in this training and with these people and it felt so casual, nonchalant, as if, Of Course. Yup. Here I am. Home. Home. Home. Home. Home.

:) Blessings, my love. So much love and blessings your way.