One of those days where you start a whole bunch of little things and spend more time than usual standing in one spot thinking about how to go about your ways rather than actually just going… and everything gets chipped at but not completed and spiraling that hasn’t visited in awhile starts to chime in – – – 

My co-worker here, Echo, recently wrote about being “in the business of good-bye’s” and I loved the line – so true. Working in a lodge you stand still while waves of visitors pass through – I haven’t worked in a rotating world since Mancora, Peru where I worked at a hostel for a month, so many souls coming in and out, in and out – those working staying put – the eye of the hurricane. Turn-over is good for keeping you on your toes – cycling, agility, no room for stagnation. Reflections of non-attachment are readily available as fast currents flip you forward and keep you moving on and on and on… John Mayer’s song Wheel – “if you never stop when you wave good-bye, you just might, if you give it time, you will wave hello again, you will wave hello again…” Unexpected yoga followed by unexpected tears that have yet to fully ease up. I don’t understand. 

Snowy dusk runs and emotional waves. As much as I tried to re-center I seem to be getting kicked back, cornered in, not finding a swift escape – trying to pitch a tent in unknown territory – harsh winds and rough terrain – trying to pitch a refuge on ground unfamiliar, earth cracking open beneath my feet – dirt shaking – rock slide sliding down down down on your knees to pray.

When Knowing and Feeling don’t line up. 

One of those days where you didn’t have a plan because you didn’t really want to be boxed in but then the lack of structure leads to lack of fruition and you’re left with less than you’d hoped for; attempting to assuage frustration with comfort, which does nothing but blow breath onto the embers of your anger – angry anger, perpetuating perpetuating perpetuating – Ah – Get Out – Get Out – Get Out – 

Visions of snakes and grounding. Tree branches breathing in and cells vibrating new space inside me. Roots, a golden shield, the most inconspicuous smile. Waves and more waves of frustration and resistance at the hurricanes moving through, self-judgment and lack of acceptance and grace in the changing of my skin, impatient with the processing, not much space to let it in – – – let it be, let it be, let it in – – – 

Not staying Up enough to remember it will be better on the other side – stronger after whatever this is leaves – that it all has a purpose and a reason and a rhyme and everything is fine fine fine oh yes everything is fine – Oh, no – one of those days where you find yourself at the mercy of the turbulence, at the whims of velocity; where everything feels unnecessarily heavy and hazy and you see corners inside you that you thought were long gone. 

Tomorrow is a new day, a new day, a new day –

reclaim, reclaim, reclaim.