Well, usually I don’t know the title of my entries until they’re done but my yesterday set that one up for me, didn’t it? :) Not gonna lie, I’m looking forward to having the word Fart return to the back burner of my life. Also, I feel like it’s only appropriate to give a proper update: the window is currently *closed* y’all #winning #stinkyfartsfadin #fartsfartsfarts

I wonder if I just kept saying the word over and over I’d get more comfortable with it. I do that a lot with thought-patterns that I want to re-wire. I’ll look in the mirror and say I love you I love you I love you, even if I don’t always feel it; fake-it-til-you-make-it kinda deal. Farts farts farts farts farts. I think it’ll probably take more than that but hey, a journey must begin with one step, yeah? :)

One step, two step, three step, four… What am I creating here, oh what is this all for…Me you us two opening opening opening…

I started reading some of my older posts today and cried. It’s an amazing thing to be proud of yourself. To see your writing and memories and moments and be like, “That’s me!!” – For as long as I can remember whenever I see my dad he puts one arm around me and exclaims – “That’s my kid, everybody!”, using his free arm to point at me for everyone around us to see. If you’ve ever met my dad you already know the smile and laughter that accompanies his proclamation. What an amazing man. There is no doubt his way of loving has formed the basis of my own. Unconditional. So deeply, truly unconditional. He told me he shared my “He’s real if you want him to be real…” Day 2 post out loud to his church group yesterday. Before he specified which blog post he read the five year old in me giggled at the thought of him repeatedly saying the word fart out loud to his church friends (maybe I am getting more comfortable with the word after all…) The group rotates each week on giving different talks and he was up. The theme this week was “The road has many paths”, and he spoke of my journey, embracing my path even if it may look different than his desired path for me. My father has given me the world. 

It’s funny to write about your dad and have a voice that wonders / worries if someone will take this as bragging. I was recently sharing with someone how amazing all the gifts in my life are – how in awe I am of the abundant universe and in all that it’s provided – and the response was a “woah woah woah” hand motion and something about watching my ego. I was off put and confused – was my gratitude coming off as bragging? No, no, I tried to explain, I’m just trying to say how magical I think life is…how grateful I am for what I’ve been given…the comment and his perspective has, obviously, stuck with me. 

I’m not trying to brag about my dad. I didn’t even know I was going to write about him. That’s (one of) the amazing things about writing – the surprises. I’m already over my 500 word count and haven’t even gotten to the subject of different voices. In re-reading this though it doesn’t feel like I even need to anymore. I already have. Not by talking about it, but by doing it. 

Onward my loves, onward. 

Good-bye gracious gases, it’s been real…

  
Papa & Me, 2011 

  
Mama & Papa, 2013 – – – Had to share his full smile ❤️